I just realized that I have no idea what I'm writing this blog for. It's not like many people will read it, and it's not like anyone would care what I have to say. I have some things that I've been writing about, but they DEFINITELY will not be posted in public. Like last night, as soon as I posted my last entry, I cracked open my spiral and wrote a solid page without stopping. Maybe it just loosens me up for the really emotional writing, but this blog doesn't really seem to serve a point. It's not just the blog that is unsure, though. I have no idea what I'm doing in life. I don't know what I want to be anymore, I don't have any dreams or goals, and I don't know why I am where I am.
Also, I'm unsure about myself. I don't know why I keep choosing to stick around everyone. I don't have to take shit from anyone. Usually I don't. But for some reason, I just don't want to leave at all. I don't know why. I don't know what I want. I need to meet some new people, but I am extremely content with the people I already know, and it's already hard enough to keep in touch with more than just my top three. I wish some things would change, and maybe they will, but that is all still irrelevant, as I need to meet some fresh new people.
I think I will keep a journal of all of the little things that make me happy each day, and at the end of the week I'll post it. That might be my first good idea since I've started this blog. Hopefully if I look back on all of the things that make me happy, I'll get a better idea about what it is I want.
Also, I'm unsure about myself. I don't know why I keep choosing to stick around everyone. I don't have to take shit from anyone. Usually I don't. But for some reason, I just don't want to leave at all. I don't know why. I don't know what I want. I need to meet some new people, but I am extremely content with the people I already know, and it's already hard enough to keep in touch with more than just my top three. I wish some things would change, and maybe they will, but that is all still irrelevant, as I need to meet some fresh new people.
I think I will keep a journal of all of the little things that make me happy each day, and at the end of the week I'll post it. That might be my first good idea since I've started this blog. Hopefully if I look back on all of the things that make me happy, I'll get a better idea about what it is I want.
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You and I are in the same boat, almost exactly. I don't get this blog stuff, so now instead of writing in journals I just type it up and post it. Ha. I think I will tone it down, I put too much of myself on here.
ReplyDeleteYou will figure it all out. You are brilliant, and are actually friendly, you just don't realize it.
I don't know, Macey. It's no secret that I can't have perfect happiness. I don't understand the blog thing, but you seem to have it nailed. I feel like I am reading your heart when I read yours. It's amazing. And the shit you have to deal with dwarves any issues I've ever had. I feel like a bumbling idiot stumbling around, starting off with how I feel and then getting swept away, only to find upon re-reading that I have written nothing of value at all.
ReplyDeleteI do agree, however, in that I think eventually I will figure shit out. Denton is starting to feel like my home. Unfortunately, I really am not the friendly person you seem to think I am.
Psshh, my blog is just me blabbing. Read my first post, ha.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't have to be of significant value, or whatever. Just write. It's only a fucking blog. And yes, you are friendly, you are just afraid of rejection so you don't put yourself out there. At least that's what I think, but I guess I wouldn't really know.
I care. About both of you.
ReplyDeleteAnd I understand what you mean. No matter what I write, I always feel like it still doesn't fully express the way I feel.