I am confused. I am exhausted. I am lost.
We had a basketball game last night. Didn't know about it until shortly before, but I had already broken out a new bottle of Skyy. Trying to play after drinking doesn't really work. I didn't play terrible, but (not to sound conceited) without me as a threat, no one else could really get open. We lost by thirty. I don't even want to talk about it. We have to play again on Wednesday, and if it goes anything like the last one, I may quit. No one else is even trying. Brad does, but he's lost his shooting. The other guys won't listen when Brad or I coach them, and we're the only ones who have ever played before. It's a little aggravating.
Been a little carefree lately. It's improved some things. I still worry though. And get frustrated. And fret. I think it's getting better, but "I'm still depressed as hell by all the goddam phonies in the world." That's my Holden Caulfield. Reread 'Catcher in the Rye' (obviously, maybe), which I hadn't read since eighth grade. I don't think I understood it at all back then. I'm definitely the Holden Caulfield type, I hate to admit. At least at the end he recognizes he misses people. I just seem to ruin things.
Had two tests today. One I was ready for, one I was not. Math is ridiculously simple, I only had trouble with one problem, but I'm pretty good at lucky guessing and coming up with the right answer. Due to that, I was able to work my way backwards and figure out how to do it the right way. Oh well. It was slightly satisfying. Biology is not my friend. I'm not understanding it, mostly because I genuinely don't care. If it works inside the body, it works. I can't see it, but obviously I'm alive, so who gives two fucks WHY I am?
Contemplated some strange things in geography for some reason today. Found something happy to distract me for a while. But mostly, I'm just as exhausted as hell. Can't hardly think straight. Oh, before we went to practice basketball tonight, Brad and I put another sign on some dude's door. This one said 'Fudgepacking Convention, please RSVP for the party here with four knocks - Bring your own nuts.' I got a kick out of that.
Basically, I don't know what I'm saying, I was just writing to write. Not so bad, eh? Ha. I wasn't expecting to write more than one sentence. I'm feeling quite alone, but I'm still not going to talk to anyone. Shit, I really am Holden Caulfield. I should change that somehow. I'm off to bed, I think, even though I slept all day. I don't know what's wrong with me. One minute I can't ever sleep, and the next it's all I do.
I dream of a trip to Chernobyl, and Moscow, and a backpacking adventure in the Urals to see the Auroras. Then perhaps a nice train ride to London if I survive to settle down for a while. That would be a cool place to live. Just go with the flow for a bit. I could give up on the world, Henry David Thoreau style. It would be nice. I hope in a few years I'll be more able to do it.
We had a basketball game last night. Didn't know about it until shortly before, but I had already broken out a new bottle of Skyy. Trying to play after drinking doesn't really work. I didn't play terrible, but (not to sound conceited) without me as a threat, no one else could really get open. We lost by thirty. I don't even want to talk about it. We have to play again on Wednesday, and if it goes anything like the last one, I may quit. No one else is even trying. Brad does, but he's lost his shooting. The other guys won't listen when Brad or I coach them, and we're the only ones who have ever played before. It's a little aggravating.
Been a little carefree lately. It's improved some things. I still worry though. And get frustrated. And fret. I think it's getting better, but "I'm still depressed as hell by all the goddam phonies in the world." That's my Holden Caulfield. Reread 'Catcher in the Rye' (obviously, maybe), which I hadn't read since eighth grade. I don't think I understood it at all back then. I'm definitely the Holden Caulfield type, I hate to admit. At least at the end he recognizes he misses people. I just seem to ruin things.
Had two tests today. One I was ready for, one I was not. Math is ridiculously simple, I only had trouble with one problem, but I'm pretty good at lucky guessing and coming up with the right answer. Due to that, I was able to work my way backwards and figure out how to do it the right way. Oh well. It was slightly satisfying. Biology is not my friend. I'm not understanding it, mostly because I genuinely don't care. If it works inside the body, it works. I can't see it, but obviously I'm alive, so who gives two fucks WHY I am?
Contemplated some strange things in geography for some reason today. Found something happy to distract me for a while. But mostly, I'm just as exhausted as hell. Can't hardly think straight. Oh, before we went to practice basketball tonight, Brad and I put another sign on some dude's door. This one said 'Fudgepacking Convention, please RSVP for the party here with four knocks - Bring your own nuts.' I got a kick out of that.
Basically, I don't know what I'm saying, I was just writing to write. Not so bad, eh? Ha. I wasn't expecting to write more than one sentence. I'm feeling quite alone, but I'm still not going to talk to anyone. Shit, I really am Holden Caulfield. I should change that somehow. I'm off to bed, I think, even though I slept all day. I don't know what's wrong with me. One minute I can't ever sleep, and the next it's all I do.
I dream of a trip to Chernobyl, and Moscow, and a backpacking adventure in the Urals to see the Auroras. Then perhaps a nice train ride to London if I survive to settle down for a while. That would be a cool place to live. Just go with the flow for a bit. I could give up on the world, Henry David Thoreau style. It would be nice. I hope in a few years I'll be more able to do it.
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1. You drank vodka before a basketball game?! You would. Way to go. I like it.
ReplyDelete2. I need to read Catcher in the Rye.
3. I used to not be able to sleep either, like a few weeks ago, and now it's all I do. I don't want to do anything BUT sleep. I think I prefer not being able to sleep.
4. I would LOVE to give up on the world "Henry David Thoreau style." That sounds so much fun to me.
5. You're not alone. I am here. =]